Went out on a walk to get some sushi and some brie cheese at Willy St Co-Op North - had a major anxiety attack on the way through the store and out towards home. But everyone around me was helpful and a blessing - they had the book ready for me to pick up at curbside where I plopped down in frustration. It was an attack on my son-hood in Christ and wether or not I had "appropriately shared Christ with the checkout person through singing" (doh! stupid. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have appreciated me holding up the line while I sang a praise song to God in front of him) but that was what was going through my mind at the time. I was frozen, unable to simply get out my EBT card and pay for the groceries, but eventually reality struck me and I continued with the transaction. I was so thankful for how helpful everyone was despite my immobility. Oh, and the demons were all over me looking up my owner number through my first & last name - in particular my last name being Jackson - and that stupid prophecy by Jesse Duplantis saying, "Jackson, Elyse? Jackson, Elyse? Antichrist & the Whore of Babylon." (Elyse was the name of my girlfriend in high school, and we don't speak) - total bunkum nonsense - besides the fact that the Whore of Babylon was the city of Babylon rebuilt, not a literal human person. Anyways, thus is my crazy life with voices and anxiety. I'm expecting to be able to help a lot of people through their struggles in life with all my experiences with mental illness and demonic attacks. I recently helped a man named G. (I'm keeping his name confidential, for his privacy) - he called me and had questions about the Bible. He was questioning the Bible's inerrancy, origin, and practical application to his life. In particular, he was taking everything that people did in the Bible as being approved by God - and I told him, no, most of the people of God were broken, sinful, and did a lot of things wrong in their time on this Earth. For example, God told Abraham and Sarah they would have a child, and they got impatient and tried to get a child through Hagar, Sarah's maidservant. This was not God's will. But they did it - and now we have the Ishmaelites. I explained to him how we suffer in this world as believers, but are blessed at the same time. He had questions about why his wife left him for another man, and about demons in his life. I could totally relate to his loss, and the demons. I've lost my reputation as a man of God, lost my friends, lost my school (UW Madison), lost my Army National Guard status, I've been paralyzed by demons while lying in bed (I had to say "Jesus" in my head to get them to go away and release me), been spoken to by demons about how they want me to spill my own blood out onto the floor below my bed, or telling me that if I don't commit suicide right away, I will turn into a monster overnight in my sleep and will wake up wanting to kill my family. Basically, I have to sacrifice my own life to save theirs by my own hand. It's been a rough road. I hope and pray that God will use all these experiences for others' good and His Glory.
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